Selfless vs. Selfish

When I think of a selfless person, I think of a person who very rarely does for themselves. I think of someone who is constantly putting others before themselves. I think of WOMEN.

 

When I think of a selfish person, I think of someone who doesn’t consider others in any aspect. Not that they only think of themselves, but they just don’t consider other people first. I think of MEN.

 

There are many things that women and men disconnect on. We are both wired differently from the way we show affection, how we handle our emotions, how we approach a problem I could go on and on. So, it only makes sense that when it comes to how we think of others we would go about it completely different. I became interested in this selfless vs selfish situation last week. My husband and I were talking about something and his response made me give him the hardest side eye ever. I lucked out with my husband in the sense that he’s extremely loving, caring, affectionate, understanding, but also selfish. Not in the obvious type of way but in that way that made me question if this behavior from men is something that is instinctual, something that is taught, or maybe some of both. 

 

Being a mom of boys and a wife, I see firsthand how this behavior can be taught at a young age and then nurtured as a wife. As women our selfless behavior causes us to go above and beyond in all situations. It causes us to make sure everyone else is taken care of and then, maybe, if we have anything left, we will try and take care of ourselves. But how much of this is selfless behavior and how much of this is us wanting to control? Us wanting to know it’s done right, us knowing no one else will do it so we just do it ourselves. Can we blame the men in our lives for them expecting we cater to them? Can we blame them for expecting to be put first? And since they aren’t wired the way we are, can we blame them, for in some cases, thinking of themselves first? I am completely aware that this is not all men and that it is based on the individual. I think that men love different from women and while some mean no harm, they don’t see the error in their ways.

 

A while ago, my dad told me that a “woman must find a man that loves her more than she loves him because women naturally give more”. This is something that has always stuck with me. I guess my question is, do we as women do this to ourselves? I think we expect men to love like we do and to care like we do. But that will never happen. Although a man loves differently that doesn’t mean the way he loves is wrong. Maybe it’s just our perception as women that men are selfish beings because they aren’t as selfless as we are. 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way taking all the blame as a woman for the asshole tendencies most men have. I am just saying if we saw the roles we played in the situation and then began to change how we react to certain things maybe we would see a difference in their behavior.

 

While trying to somewhat understand men and understand why they are the way they are. I realized that maybe I can try and teach my boys how to be less selfish. As their mother, I can try and change this behavior and see if I can make a difference. Will I be able to completely remove the asshole that is all men? NOPE! Will I be able save their future thot girlfriends from heartbreak? NOPE! But what I can do is try to get them to understand and see things from a woman’s perspective. And I will do it with love.

 

-Mommy

 

 

 

Why Me!?

I’ve never been the type of person that made excuses or felt sorry for myself. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Shit happens, you suck it up, deal with it and move on.

Somewhere along the way I lost that belief. I stopped sucking it up and didn’t deal with anything. I became someone who constantly felt sorry for themselves. I became someone who sat in self-pity. I felt like any and everything that went wrong in my life was a personal attack on me. I would cry and say, “why me?”

Why can’t I figure out a career? Why can’t I find a job I like? Why can’t I make more money? Why can’t I lose my baby weight? Why do I have anxiety? Why me!?

Who was I? Why couldn’t I pick myself up and deal with my problems like I did before?

I knew that I was making myself the victim, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of the world being out to get me. I just felt like no one wanted to see me succeed and even worse no one cared. That’s when I realized what my problem was, it was me.

I was lost in life because I allowed it. I allowed my personal goals to fall to the side and I made being a mommy my main priority. That’s no excuse for not making myself a priority but that was something I had to learn later.

So, what do I do now? I’m consumed by self-pity and I don’t know how to believe in myself anymore. I now look at others for validation, for a chance, for any slither of positivity. But that’s not working because that’s not what I truly need. What I need is to believe in myself. What I need is to give myself a chance. What I need is to push positive thoughts onto myself.

The power of the mind is so strong it can be our down fall, or it can be what pushes to accomplish the impossible. Our subconscious thoughts can enslave us, or they can empower us. Once I realized how important positivity towards myself was, I made the choice to not feel sorry for myself. I made the choice to see the greatness that is me. I am raising three humans, three whole humans. They are smart, they are healthy, and they are happy. That’s amazing! I am working a full-time job 40 hours a week, I cook, I clean, I maintain a marriage with my husband. I am learning that having a successful career or making a lot of money aren’t the only things in this world that add value to your life. Having your own definition of self-worth is way more valuable than that. I’m believing in me now. I am building myself up instead of tearing myself down.

Why me!? Because I can handle it. Why me!? Because this is a part of my journey. I had to go through this harsh journey of self-discovery to really see how strong of a woman I am. To really appreciate everything that I am. I’m not perfect but I have a story that is like no one else’s and that puts me in a league all by myself. It’s not selfish to love yourself. It’s not selfish to believe in yourself. It’s not selfish to go after your dreams. I no longer feel sorry for myself. I no longer ask myself why me? I take it all as a lesson and really try to see what I can learn from any hardships I have faced.

What did I learn? I can’t sit around and wait for someone to see how great I am or to believe in my abilities. No. I’m going to show everyone who I am and what I’m capable of doing. I am strong enough to now stand on my own two feet and create my own opportunities. I don’t need anyone else’s validations because I am finally enough for myself.

I can’t be broken at this point I am ready for whatever life has to throw at me. Why me!? Because I am being built to handle something so much greater than me. I was being built to be a mother of three boys. I must be strong, confident, understanding, and I have to do it with love.

-Mommy

Running from Fear

Have you ever been so scared of failing that it cripples you from even trying?

Have you ever doubted yourself so much that you won’t even allow yourself to want better?

Have you ever talked yourself out of trying new things because the fear of failing outweighed your belief in your own abilities?

I have been dealing with all these issues for years and have allowed myself to be ran by fear.

The fear of constantly being disappointed in yourself can take over your whole mind and handicap your body.

My journey of motherhood started when I was 20 years old. I was still figuring out life and I wasn’t exactly where I had pictured myself at that age. I was terrified and had no idea what to do, what to say, where to turn. So, I shut down and I can say that is where my fear started to grow.

Jayden was the best thing that ever happened to me and I would never want to change that. Becoming a mom changed me for the better. I saw a different side of myself that I didn’t know was there. I was forced to learn to put myself second and start to live for someone else. That creates a different level of fear that I wasn’t ready for. I adapted to motherhood quickly, and easily, but as I completely took on the role of Mommy, I started to lose Keyanna.

Cut to 9 years later, a husband, and two more kids and the fear that lived within me has only continued to grow. Now on top of my fear, I have bad anxiety and Keyanna as the individual is lost, scared, and has no understanding of what her purpose is. I have allowed myself for years to live in fear and mask it as being consumed with my kids and husband.

The truth is, I’m so afraid of failure because a part of me feels that I have failed about giving Keyanna a chance. For so long it has been so easy to put others ahead of myself, but when it came to do for myself, I felt selfish, unprepared, and scared. I’ve been my biggest sabotage. I’ve been my worst critic. I’ve created this world of fear that has been so suffocating, I’m not sure how I make it through my day to day.

I’ve been suffocating for so long that I have just decided to allow myself to breathe. And by allowing myself to do that, I am giving myself the chance to be something, to say something, to simply just be.

I’ve recently found Keyanna again and while there is nothing greater to me than being Mommy I’ve decided to give up on fear and give myself a chance. I can say that the moment I found myself was the moment I got tired of the person I allowed myself to turn into. I allowed myself to stay in the negative place. I allowed myself to not move forward. And when I realized that the place, I found myself in was a result of me, I had to sit with that realization and hold myself accountable.

So here I am, letting go of my fear and working on me. For me to be everything my kids need me to be I must be the best version of myself. My kids are my motivation, my pride, my happiness, and I need them more than they need me.

At the end of the day, I just want to shower them with love.

-Mommy

The Journey of Mommyhood

Let’s take the ride together.

My name is Keyanna aka “Mommy”. For all of my adult life I have been a mother and find it hard to see myself as anything else. Over the years the journey of motherhood has been one of many questions, many emotions, and many lessons. I am called Mommy by three amazing boys: Jayden , Kameron, and Tristan. Being a young mom of three I find it comforting talking to other moms about this special journey, so I decided to start this blog to be able to tell my story while being able to connect with others.

I want to create a safe place for us mommies. A place where we can vent, teach, learn, question, and so much more. But just know anything shared on this blog is only shared to show the depths of love a mother gives. I want my kids to be able to look back at my journey and see that no matter how difficult or easy the situation was, I always approached it with love.

– Mommy