I’ve never been the type of person that made excuses or felt sorry for myself. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Shit happens, you suck it up, deal with it and move on.
Somewhere along the way I lost that belief. I stopped sucking it up and didn’t deal with anything. I became someone who constantly felt sorry for themselves. I became someone who sat in self-pity. I felt like any and everything that went wrong in my life was a personal attack on me. I would cry and say, “why me?”
Why can’t I figure out a career? Why can’t I find a job I like? Why can’t I make more money? Why can’t I lose my baby weight? Why do I have anxiety? Why me!?
Who was I? Why couldn’t I pick myself up and deal with my problems like I did before?
I knew that I was making myself the victim, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of the world being out to get me. I just felt like no one wanted to see me succeed and even worse no one cared. That’s when I realized what my problem was, it was me.
I was lost in life because I allowed it. I allowed my personal goals to fall to the side and I made being a mommy my main priority. That’s no excuse for not making myself a priority but that was something I had to learn later.
So, what do I do now? I’m consumed by self-pity and I don’t know how to believe in myself anymore. I now look at others for validation, for a chance, for any slither of positivity. But that’s not working because that’s not what I truly need. What I need is to believe in myself. What I need is to give myself a chance. What I need is to push positive thoughts onto myself.
The power of the mind is so strong it can be our down fall, or it can be what pushes to accomplish the impossible. Our subconscious thoughts can enslave us, or they can empower us. Once I realized how important positivity towards myself was, I made the choice to not feel sorry for myself. I made the choice to see the greatness that is me. I am raising three humans, three whole humans. They are smart, they are healthy, and they are happy. That’s amazing! I am working a full-time job 40 hours a week, I cook, I clean, I maintain a marriage with my husband. I am learning that having a successful career or making a lot of money aren’t the only things in this world that add value to your life. Having your own definition of self-worth is way more valuable than that. I’m believing in me now. I am building myself up instead of tearing myself down.
Why me!? Because I can handle it. Why me!? Because this is a part of my journey. I had to go through this harsh journey of self-discovery to really see how strong of a woman I am. To really appreciate everything that I am. I’m not perfect but I have a story that is like no one else’s and that puts me in a league all by myself. It’s not selfish to love yourself. It’s not selfish to believe in yourself. It’s not selfish to go after your dreams. I no longer feel sorry for myself. I no longer ask myself why me? I take it all as a lesson and really try to see what I can learn from any hardships I have faced.
What did I learn? I can’t sit around and wait for someone to see how great I am or to believe in my abilities. No. I’m going to show everyone who I am and what I’m capable of doing. I am strong enough to now stand on my own two feet and create my own opportunities. I don’t need anyone else’s validations because I am finally enough for myself.
I can’t be broken at this point I am ready for whatever life has to throw at me. Why me!? Because I am being built to handle something so much greater than me. I was being built to be a mother of three boys. I must be strong, confident, understanding, and I have to do it with love.